Monday, 8 September 2014

I Love You Syndrome

I Love You Syndrome !
The other day I had nothing to do. So I ventured out. I took a bus. I found a college going boy and girl clasping each other’s hand saying, “I Love you..I love you too.” Both were oblivious of amusing expression on the faces of fellow passengers. Society seems to approve what was a taboo earlier. I  de-boarded at my designated stop and went to a park boasting of a historical monument. I found a lip-locked couple with their hand busy writing on the monument wall ‘ I LOVE YOU’  I also watched a honeymooner throwing flying kisses to his newly wedded partner and making signs of a heart in the air  and whispering loudly “ I Love you”.

Hasn’t  ‘I love you’ become somewhat demeaning. A cliché, devoid of all the feelings of true love and affection. What about parental love, brotherly and sisterly love and the love which has connotations of affection, feelings, longing or sensuality but no sexuality? Platonic love.

 An unknown female in the a company of a male is immediately misunderstood  to be indulging in some sort of suspicious relationship irrespective of the fact that they may be father- daughter, mother-son, sister-brother, cousins, uncle-niece, just friends or colleagues who are out to walk, shop, sight-see or  to enjoy a movie. When a girl or a boy says to her father/ mother “ papa/ mama “I love you” she is declaring her basic affection towards her parents.  Sometimes utterance of I love you is misunderstood by two opposite sexes, particularly those who are in some kind of a relationship, as a craving for sexual gratification, a desire to go physical. It is lust not love. When lust becomes an important subsidiary of love and overshadows love, love loses its real meaning. Acronym of love in this case then becomes:
L- Love
Any ingredient missing results in showdowns. It mostly happens in live-in-relationships where sex is also thought to be the only means to beget love.  It is the end result without love having been flourished through the various stages like a bud blooming to a flower slowly and gradually. This sort of love is self destructive wherein only bodily attributes come to fore. Love which is true is not all about the bodies. It is beyond physical intimacy. Agreed that procreation is a part of sexual satisfaction and action but the love word becomes then synonym of affection, caring, sharing, mutual trust and understanding. In this context I produce one of my published poems on the subject

True Love

A true love is
Neither lust nor greed nor desire
It is divine building of emotions
Standing tall with
Foundation of trust
Bricks of feeling
Cement of sensitivity
Pillars of grace
A true love flourishes then
Bearing fruit
It is evolution
And evolution evolves
Birth of a new creation.
 A bright light glows around true lovers with the power of true love. In the absence of affection, sharing, caring, mutual trust and understanding , love is totally meaningless and devoid of any true feelings of love. Ensure that someone does not want to rub love the wrong way.
I love you is in fact an expression of concern also. Added with affection, true love automatically develops a sense of  caring and sharing. Making it seem vulgar and cheap by one’s action/ utterances always undermine the true meaning of ‘I love you’. From time immemorial these three magic words have been instrumental in bringing changes in the society worldwide. Entire humanity thrives on love bringing the humankind together and evolving a sense of belonging in generations.  ‘I love you’ does have an undercurrent of sexism as procreation could not have been possible without physical intimacy but isn’t it confined to couples only that too, a married one. Illegitimate love brings stigma in the society of ours.  Here also procreation can happen without actually having a feeling of love. So procreation cannot be a proof of  true love irrespective of the fact ‘I love you ‘ is  often repeated time and again by the indulging partners.

Love can thrill. It can kill. It makes one sane and wise. At the same time, it can destroy. Wars have been waged for the sake of love. Kingdoms have been destroyed and born because of love. Peace has been brought because of love. Families are broken then united, marriages are solemnised , suicides are committed and fights break out because of love.

Romeo- Juliet, Helen of Troy, King Edward VIII of England, Sohni-Mahiwal, Shiri- Farhad, Heer-Raanja, Alluddin Kilji’s  infatuation with Rani Padmawati (Paddmani of Chitore), Razia Sultan- Yakut, Noorjahan –King Shahjhan, Anarkali- Shazada Saleem (Khuram: son of Mugal Kind Akbar) are but a few  examples  of “ I LOVE YOU SYNDROME”, some of which culminated in changing the course of history and some creating folklores. True love always leads to a bonding, strives to achieve life full of satisfaction and contentment ultimately leading to happiness. Sexuality does have a part but in a limited way. So any one who pronounces his/her love by uttering ‘ I LOVE YOOOOOOU’ on the rooftop  cannot/ should not be taken seriously.

Love is omnipresent in every form. It is present in every aspect of our life. I love you has a special place in our psychic.  It starts from a womb of a mother to parental love- sisterly& brotherly love, friendly love, lover’s love and husband & wife’s love. A feeling for someone, a simple touch or a pat, an advice showing concern all go to show the protagonist wants to say that I love you.  Love cannot be just wished away. Relationships are based on love combined with respect. Relationships break in absence of mutual understanding of definition of  love. True Love cannot survive disrespect, disharmony, lack of commitment/faith/trust, dishonesty, cheating etc. I love you loses its sheen and charm. To say I love you then becomes farce.

So , whenever one says I LOVE YOU, one has to be true to his/her feelings and true to his/her heart before saying .  “ I Love you’.

Tribhawan Kaul

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