I Love You
Syndrome !
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The other
day I had nothing to do. So I ventured out. I took a bus. I found a college
going boy and girl clasping each other’s hand saying, “I Love you..I love you
too.” Both were oblivious of amusing expression on the faces of fellow
passengers. Society seems to approve what was a taboo earlier. I de-boarded at my designated stop and went to
a park boasting of a historical monument. I found a lip-locked couple with
their hand busy writing on the monument wall ‘ I LOVE YOU’ I also watched a honeymooner throwing flying
kisses to his newly wedded partner and making signs of a heart in the air and whispering loudly “ I Love you”.
Hasn’t ‘I love you’ become somewhat demeaning. A cliché,
devoid of all the feelings of true love and affection. What about parental
love, brotherly and sisterly love and the love which has connotations of
affection, feelings, longing or sensuality but no sexuality? Platonic love.
An unknown female in the a company of a male
is immediately misunderstood to be
indulging in some sort of suspicious relationship irrespective of the fact that
they may be father- daughter, mother-son, sister-brother, cousins, uncle-niece,
just friends or colleagues who are out to walk, shop, sight-see or to enjoy a movie. When a girl or a boy says to
her father/ mother “ papa/ mama “I love you” she is declaring her basic
affection towards her parents. Sometimes
utterance of I love you is misunderstood by two opposite sexes, particularly those
who are in some kind of a relationship, as a craving for sexual gratification,
a desire to go physical. It is lust not love. When lust becomes an important
subsidiary of love and overshadows love, love loses its real meaning. Acronym
of love in this case then becomes:
L- Love
O-Orgasm
V-Virility
E-Ecstasy
Any ingredient
missing results in showdowns. It mostly happens in live-in-relationships where
sex is also thought to be the only means to beget love. It is the end result without love having been
flourished through the various stages like a bud blooming to a flower slowly
and gradually. This sort of love is self destructive wherein only bodily attributes
come to fore. Love which is true is not all about the bodies. It is beyond
physical intimacy. Agreed that procreation is a part of sexual satisfaction and
action but the love word becomes then synonym of affection, caring, sharing, mutual
trust and understanding. In this context I produce one of my published poems on
the subject
True Love
A true love
is
Neither
lust nor greed nor desire
It is
divine building of emotions
Standing
tall with
Foundation
of trust
Bricks of
feeling
Cement of
sensitivity
Pillars of
grace
A true love
flourishes then
Bearing
fruit
Ripens
It is
evolution
And
evolution evolves
Birth of a
new creation.
-----------------------------
A bright light glows around true lovers with
the power of true love. In the absence of affection, sharing, caring, mutual
trust and understanding , love is totally meaningless and devoid of any true
feelings of love. Ensure that someone does not want to rub love the wrong way.
I love you
is in fact an expression of concern also. Added with affection, true love
automatically develops a sense of caring
and sharing. Making it seem vulgar and cheap by one’s action/ utterances always
undermine the true meaning of ‘I love you’. From time immemorial these three
magic words have been instrumental in bringing changes in the society
worldwide. Entire humanity thrives on love bringing the humankind together and
evolving a sense of belonging in generations. ‘I love you’ does have an undercurrent of
sexism as procreation could not have been possible without physical intimacy
but isn’t it confined to couples only that too, a married one. Illegitimate
love brings stigma in the society of ours. Here also procreation can happen without
actually having a feeling of love. So procreation cannot be a proof of true love irrespective of the fact ‘I love
you ‘ is often repeated time and again
by the indulging partners.
Love can
thrill. It can kill. It makes one sane and wise. At the same time, it can
destroy. Wars have been waged for the sake of love. Kingdoms have been
destroyed and born because of love. Peace has been brought because of love.
Families are broken then united, marriages are solemnised , suicides are
committed and fights break out because of love.
Romeo-
Juliet, Helen of Troy, King Edward VIII of England, Sohni-Mahiwal, Shiri-
Farhad, Heer-Raanja, Alluddin Kilji’s
infatuation with Rani Padmawati (Paddmani of Chitore), Razia Sultan-
Yakut, Noorjahan –King Shahjhan, Anarkali- Shazada Saleem (Khuram: son of Mugal
Kind Akbar) are but a few examples of “ I LOVE YOU SYNDROME”, some of which
culminated in changing the course of history and some creating folklores. True
love always leads to a bonding, strives to achieve life full of satisfaction
and contentment ultimately leading to happiness. Sexuality does have a part but
in a limited way. So any one who pronounces his/her love by uttering ‘ I LOVE
YOOOOOOU’ on the rooftop cannot/ should
not be taken seriously.
Love is
omnipresent in every form. It is present in every aspect of our life. I love
you has a special place in our psychic.
It starts from a womb of a mother to parental love- sisterly&
brotherly love, friendly love, lover’s love and husband & wife’s love. A
feeling for someone, a simple touch or a pat, an advice showing concern all go
to show the protagonist wants to say that I love you. Love cannot be just wished away. Relationships
are based on love combined with respect. Relationships break in absence of
mutual understanding of definition of love. True Love cannot survive disrespect,
disharmony, lack of commitment/faith/trust, dishonesty, cheating etc. I love
you loses its sheen and charm. To say I love you then becomes farce.
So ,
whenever one says I LOVE YOU, one has to be true to his/her feelings and true
to his/her heart before saying . “ I
Love you’.
Tribhawan
Kaul
Writer-poet
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