The other day I had nothing to do. So I ventured out. I took a bus. I found a college going boy and girl clasping each other’s hand saying, “I Love you..I love you too.” Both were oblivious of amusing expression on the faces of fellow passengers. Society seems to approve what was a taboo earlier. I de-boarded at my designated stop and went to a park boasting of a historical monument. I found a lip-locked couple with their hand busy writing on the monument wall ‘ I LOVE YOU’ I also watched a honeymooner throwing flying kisses to his newly wedded partner and making signs of a heart in the air and whispering loudly “ I Love you”.
Hasn’t ‘I love you’ become somewhat demeaning. A cliché, devoid of all the feelings of true love and affection. What about parental love, brotherly and sisterly love and the love which has connotations of affection, feelings, longing or sensuality but no sexuality? Platonic love.
An unknown female in the a company of a male is immediately misunderstood to be indulging in some sort of suspicious relationship irrespective of the fact that they may be father- daughter, mother-son, sister-brother, cousins, uncle-niece, just friends or colleagues who are out to walk, shop, sight-see or enjoy a movie. When a girl or a boy says to her father/ mother “ papa/ mama “I love you” she is declaring her basic affection towards her parents. Sometimes utterance of I love you is misunderstood by two opposite sexes, particularly those who are in some kind of a relationship, as a craving for sexual gratification, a desire to go physical. It is lust not love. When lust becomes an important subsidiary of love and overshadows love, love loses its real meaning. Acronym of LOVE in this case then becomes:
Any ingredient missing results in showdowns and marital discords. It happens in live-in-relationships and where sex is thought only the means to beget love. It is the end result without love having been flourished through the various stages like a bud blooming to a flower slowly and gradually. This sort of love is self destructive wherein only bodily attributes come to fore. True Love is not at all about the bodies. Agreed that procreation is a part of sexual satisfaction and action but the love word becomes then synonym of affection, caring, sharing, mutual trust and understanding. In this context I produce one of my published poems on the subject
A true love is
Neither lust nor greed nor desire
It is divine building of emotions
Standing tall with
Foundation of trust
Bricks of feeling
Cement of sensitivity
Pillars of grace
A true love flourishes then
It is evolution
And evolution evolves
Birth of a new creation.
A bright light glows around true lovers with the power of true love. In the absence of affection, sharing, caring, mutual trust and understanding , love is totally meaningless and devoid of any true feelings of love. Ensure that someone does not want to rub love the wrong way.
I love you is in fact an expression of concern also. Added with affection, true love automatically develops a sense of caring and sharing. Making it seem vulgar and cheap by one’s action/ utterances always undermine the true meaning of ‘I love you’. From time immemorial these three magic words have been instrumental in bringing changes in the society worldwide. Entire humanity thrives on LOVE bringing the humankind together and evolving a sense of belonging in generations. ‘I love you’ does have an undercurrent of sexism as procreation could not have been possible without physical intimacy but isn’t it confined to couples only that too, a married one. Here also procreation can happen without actually having a feeling of love. So procreation cannot be a proof of love or true love irrespective of the fact ‘I love you ‘ is often repeated time and again by the indulging partners.
Love can thrill. It can kill. It makes one sane and wise. At the same time, it can destroy. Wars have been waged for the sake of love. Kingdoms have been destroyed and born because of love. Peace has been brought because of love. Families are broken then united, marriages are solemnised , suicides are committed and fights break out because of love.
Romeo- Juliet, Helen of Troy, King Edward VIII of England, Sohni-Mahiwal, Shiri- Farhad, Heer-Raanja, Alluddin Kilji’s infatuation with Rani Padmawati (Paddmani of Chitore), Razia Sultan- Yakut, Noorjahan –King Shahjhan, Anarkali- Shazada Saleem (Khuram: son of Mugal Kind Akbar) are but a few examples of “ I LOVE YOU SYNDROME”, some of which culminated in changing the course of history and some creating folklores. Indian philosophy and its essence is based on theme of love. True love always leads to a bonding, strives to achieve life full of satisfaction and contentment ultimately leading to spirituality. Sexuality does have a part but in a limited way. So any one who pronounces his/her love by uttering ‘ I LOVE YOOOOOOU’ on the rooftop cannot/ should not be taken seriously.
Love is omnipresent in every form. It is present in every aspect of our life. I love you has a special place in our psychic. It starts from a womb of a mother to parental love- sisterly& brotherly love, friendly love, lover’s love and husband & wife’s love. A feeling for someone, a simple touch or a pat, an advice showing concern all go to show the protagonist wants to say that I love you. Love cannot be just wished away. Relationships are based on love combined with respect. Relationships break in absence of mutual understanding of love. TRUE Love cannot survive disrespect, disharmony, lack of commitment/faith/trust, dishonesty, cheating etc. I love you loses its sheen and charm. To say I love you then becomes farce.
So , whenever one says I LOVE YOU, one has to be true to his/her feelings and true to his/her heart. True love can never be defined yet here is one of my poems outreaching love to express love.
LOVE LOVE LOVE
Love is bonding between sisters and brothers
Love is sharing by husbands and wives
Love is caring of parents & children
Love is emotional with everyone else.
Love is potion on the bed
Love is ocean and never dead
Love is in our hearts and in brain
Love is in blood and in our veins.
Love happens, can’t be created
Love is compassion, can’t be rated
Love is smile, makes us laugh
Love is deluge, can’t be hated.
Love is not showing your assets
Love is different from bloody lust
Love is not possessiveness shown
Love is what you give the best.
Love is not in your eyes
Love is not on your lips
Love is never demanding
Love which is true, never dips.
Love makes you to sacrifice
Love makes you to survive
Love can’t be gauged by language
Love makes a dead to revive.
Love knows no frontiers
Love knows no religion
Love has no caste
Love has no region.
Love is passion, love is respect
Love is forgiveness, love is peace
Love is power, love is faith
Love is prayer, love if true never cease.
Love makes you feel wanted
Love makes you get mated
Love makes you feel seduced
Love never makes you subdued.
Love is everlasting relationship
Love is everything
Love is not give and take
Love is what you do for other’s sake
Love makes you feel stronger
Love is God makes you live longer.
Love is inferno, experience its pangs
Love is jealous within the gangs
Love is life, smooth but coy
Love is rain, indulge and enjoy.
Love is grace, blessing our progeny
Love is exhilarating, ending our agony
Love makes us positive, negating the negatives
Love is symphony bringing the harmony.
The concept of love can never be defined
It is so vast and too refined
Love is eternal and never dies
Love makes human sane and wise.
All rights reserved/Tribhawan Kaul
Note :- Poems True Love and Love Love Love are from the poetry book ‘Children of Lost Gods’ penned by the author of this article.